(A small writing. Hope you like it.)
It is today.
I wake up in the morning wondering why my dog hasn't pounced on me yet so I could caress my fingers through her fur. I realise that she is not here with me. To be more accurate I'm not there with her. I realise I'm not at home. I'm on the cheap mattress on the cold floor that I bought not many months ago.
It is yesterday, night.
I'm with the most amazing girl I've ever met. We both are standing next to the pool near her place. She smiles graciously at me. I feel content being there. She talks about me getting internship and going to places. I know things would be no different for her either.
It is late now. Her mother is waiting for her back at home. She has to run back home. So she does. I hear myself say to her "things should just stay." She thinks my reference is only to the moment we're in.
It is 3 days ago.
I haven't slept the previous night. I haven't eaten much either. I am not hungry or tired. All I care about is the work. I know it's important to finish the work without making fuss about it if I want to end up somewhere big. I think about the person I want to be with at the moment. I could have easily left this place hours ago. But it would be just an excuse. Weak people make excuse. I'm not weak. I don't want to be weak.
It is 3 years from now.
It's late night and I'm still sitting in my office with a pile of extra work to do so that I can later ask for a leave just be at home this Diwali. I'm not even sure if I want to be there. Everything has changed so much.
It is 5 years from now.
I have done a horrible thing. I know I will not be forgiven. Deep down, I hope that I'm not. I've managed to hurt someone I care about so much again.
It is 8 years from now.
It's my birthday. I sit out in the open, in the cool breeze and letting the sun in clear sky keep me warm, just looking at all these people around me, and even the ones far away. I can't help but think about all that has been. All that could have been. I'm not the person I thought I was. I'm not the person I thought I would be.
It is 12 years ago.
I profoundly say out loud that I will make cartoons when I grow up.
It is a year ago.
I hear them say that I'm a great person.
It is a year from now.
I hear them say I'm an awful human being.
It is few months ago.
They tell me I'm a selfish, self centred person who can never care about anyone else.
It is few months from now.
They tell me I'm a good friend.
It is the past.
I want to destroy all and everything beautiful and original.
It is the future.
Self-destruction seems necessary.
It is now.
I'm here. Right on the balance line between the things that have happened and things that will happen. Things that could have transpired and things that may transpire.
It certainly won't stay. I can't catch it and hold on to it. It will go right through me. All I can do is be there when it does and be thankful about whatever it leaves with me.
I wake up in the morning wondering why my dog hasn't pounced on me yet so I could caress my fingers through her fur. I realise that she is not here with me. To be more accurate I'm not there with her. I realise I'm not at home. I'm on the cheap mattress on the cold floor that I bought not many months ago.
It is yesterday, night.
I'm with the most amazing girl I've ever met. We both are standing next to the pool near her place. She smiles graciously at me. I feel content being there. She talks about me getting internship and going to places. I know things would be no different for her either.
It is late now. Her mother is waiting for her back at home. She has to run back home. So she does. I hear myself say to her "things should just stay." She thinks my reference is only to the moment we're in.
It is 3 days ago.
I haven't slept the previous night. I haven't eaten much either. I am not hungry or tired. All I care about is the work. I know it's important to finish the work without making fuss about it if I want to end up somewhere big. I think about the person I want to be with at the moment. I could have easily left this place hours ago. But it would be just an excuse. Weak people make excuse. I'm not weak. I don't want to be weak.
It is 3 years from now.
It's late night and I'm still sitting in my office with a pile of extra work to do so that I can later ask for a leave just be at home this Diwali. I'm not even sure if I want to be there. Everything has changed so much.
It is 5 years from now.
I have done a horrible thing. I know I will not be forgiven. Deep down, I hope that I'm not. I've managed to hurt someone I care about so much again.
It is 8 years from now.
It's my birthday. I sit out in the open, in the cool breeze and letting the sun in clear sky keep me warm, just looking at all these people around me, and even the ones far away. I can't help but think about all that has been. All that could have been. I'm not the person I thought I was. I'm not the person I thought I would be.
It is 12 years ago.
I profoundly say out loud that I will make cartoons when I grow up.
It is a year ago.
I hear them say that I'm a great person.
It is a year from now.
I hear them say I'm an awful human being.
It is few months ago.
They tell me I'm a selfish, self centred person who can never care about anyone else.
It is few months from now.
They tell me I'm a good friend.
It is the past.
I want to destroy all and everything beautiful and original.
It is the future.
Self-destruction seems necessary.
It is now.
I'm here. Right on the balance line between the things that have happened and things that will happen. Things that could have transpired and things that may transpire.
It certainly won't stay. I can't catch it and hold on to it. It will go right through me. All I can do is be there when it does and be thankful about whatever it leaves with me.
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